Spring is sneaking about at last . Just a little bit .

Spring definately isn't here yet . there is ice in the water and frost on the roof . BUT buds are showing and spring bulbs are sending out green shoots . Its so cold and damp and coudy here , has been for weeks but when it does warm up , this year i think spring is going to be a riot . Cant wait  , i need to drink coffee on my balcony again . Last year i did it all winter . This year its been so wet and cloudy and damn cold that i just cant and i miss it . A lot .
I have a new plant pot that i bought really cheaply . Its purple with a wavy edge and i filled it with bright pink , purple and white cyclamen and put it in a corner of the balcony . A strong corner . When it does get sunny it will be ready for me to sit next to and admire . Ive bought tomato , purple bean and Brussel sprout seeds to try this year . Im thinking though it makes more economic sense to grow fruit rather than veg ,. veg is quite cheap , fruit isnt . Maybe i can fit in some raspberry canes .
Im under new doctors orders because i still keep collapsing which is making things a bit difficult . I had my diet all sorted out and they went and changed it . Im banned from a lot of fruit as well as a million other things and thats been hard . Im also not allowed stress or stressful situations . How do i avoid that ! Stress is by definition a situation that happens to you that you cant avoid , which gives you stress  . Hmm . cant sell my kids so ill do my best .  Im also banned from excercise and undue exertion in case i fall over . for THREE MONTHS . I have a shed to help put up .  Im reduced to standing on the sidelines and feeling helpless . I hate that . But i also hate falling over so i guess ill just have to stick with it . we need to know for certain whats causing it . one way to find that out is to see if we can stop it happening . hence all the banned things .

We have at last had a few moments of sun , it had been absolutely WEEKS without any . At one point the entire British Isles was covered in FOG . everywhere . when its not fog its clouds . unrelenting clouds . So any sun , even a flash is really really welcome .

seed packet time ! yay :-)

Sometimes i write .

And make jelly . This is my new pie dish but its great for jelly hearts .

This Lemon Geranium i grew from a cutting from a friend of mine . She went to hospital so i aquired a bit while i was round her house and it smells delicious !

Sunshine ! only a few seconds but it really helps .

Lexi cat with her mouse toy .

Shocked at sunlight !

She was scared of this mouse at first but we took the bell out and now she loves it .

missing in action

I havnt been blogging because ive been far to busy , which is great ! my lawn is growing , but my plants are not however the sun is shining and ive given everything a feed . I lost a courgette to cold , and one squash honeybear and half my tomatoes to slugs , other than that all is well :-)

my potatoes are growing out front and getting curious glances from passers by .

my peas are growing but i found out i shouldnt have planted them next to the garlic . ah well  .

Prunus Kanzan in my front garden . turning my veg patch pink .

a little bit of fun i brought back from switzerland :-)

Switzerland sketches and peach leaf curl

I did some en plein air sketchesd whilst up in the peaks in Switzerland . These are intended as aids to me and i do them for the fun of sketching . They make snese to me anyway , each one captures something that intrigued me at the time .

 On another subject , my peach or nectarine trees have peach leaf curl . no fruit this year , a disaster but i think i can fix it for next year , i like a challenge . The rest of the garden is still going crazy , i had to make a new veg raised bed for some borlotti beans (i think need to check the packet) some cabbage and a courgette . Its all planted too close but i can always harvest young i hope or transplant the cabbages to the front bed when the peas are done . im juggling but its fun . the lawn is nearly levelled and ready for sowing with seed and the strawberries are full of flowers . ive learned they can slow or stop cancer tumours forming and since both my parents have had  , and recovered , from cancer strawberries are on the diet big time .

Im loving my life right now , it rained lst night and the garden smells fabulous . i have scented stock overwintered and flowering and the violas are suddenly full of scent , delicious after rain the scent floods the gardens . cant wait for the sweet peas to flower on the balcony !  

How my garden grows , in between rain and hailstorms and high winds...

Spring is here , even if the weather is trying its hardest to go back to winter  .

This is my front garden veg patch , i had to pull half the wall down as it was becoming dangerous and this white hump is a homemade cloch made from the poles from a beach tant , some fleece and some clothes pegs . under it is garlic , peas , and possibly about a million tomato plants , or maybe california poppies i cant tell andyway , they will succumb to the hoe once i find out what they are . Next to this are a row of potatoes under fleece but you cant see them in this shot .

One of my mini orchard trees . I still dont know what it is exactly .

this is the  bottom half of my olive tree , im hoping this trunk becomes all gnarly and twisty as it grows . its living in the pot though i found out how big these things can get .

My grape vine is in bud :-)

This one i THINK is either apple or pear . im hoping for apple .

This one , i havnt a clue :-)

My balcony plant hotspot

The violas are romping away now i gave them a feed and they seem to like it

Sweet peas and nasturtians  outside and surviving , mostly .

strawberries in flower . well , one is anyway the rest havnt got the idea yet .

courgette seed it was yellowing slightly so i gave it a feed and its greened up aagin nicely , wow these things are hungry !

Soring onions and lettuce . getting there , a few more weeks before i can harvest though .

Lupin , waiting to go into my flower border . i want it to get big enough to withstand the slugs . the last lot got chomped .

courgette

 Im in love with these seedings ! they are so fat and strong and big ! 
Tomatoes seem so weedy next to them .

My Squash Honeybear didnt germinate so im trying again this weekend in the airing cupboard with new seeds , i think they needed more heat . im wondering what size those seeds wil be . In fact , im wondering what size the plants will be ! im hoping for something monster and exciting .  Im also fighting off the urge to buy a really brilliant temporary greenhouse with staging that ive seen . its plastic like my existing small ones so i could out it on the decking . hmmmmm .

BUDS on my miniture fruit tree . well , on all of them really . i still dont know what they are or what colour the flowers will be !

My sweet peas and nasturtians were sent to live outside and they are still alive ! i have a bolt of fleece handy if frost is likely or i can bring it in overnight .

Mini orchard , sweet peas and honey bears

These are my mystery fruit trees . I bought them at a really great price today because the tags have faded and beyond knowing they are dwarf fruit trees the garden centre could only do a best guess . So i got four different ones and ill wait and see ! I have a rough idea ut since i really dont mind what i got its ok :-))) My chives are growing , funny how they come through bent in half and they straighten up from being all kinky . I love fresh chives in home made potato salad and i want to try the edible flowers in salads as well as freezing them in ice cubes for some fun .

 I planted garlic and some courgettes to give them an early start before planting out , i sowed some salad lettuce seeds and spring onion ,

This wigwam has a honey bear squash seed in the middle , well , two , i will keep the strongest , and nasturtians and sweet peas round the outseide , the sweet peas are highly scented and im going to eat the nasturtian flowers . ive no idea how big this is gonna get....

Table fun :-) come on spring .Has anyone seen a Crocus this year ??

morning

Its getting harder . The side effects are getting worse . I feel anxious , stressed and im in pain . pain in my chest , pain under my arm , pain in my ankle , all my joints , my head , i dont know if its stress causing the pain , tablets (its a listed side effect ) or something else or a mix of all three . Im sick of painkillers . Im sick of jaw pain from grinding my teeth and im so dizzy that if i stand up im in danger of colaspe . \The kids are here and husband is asleep in bed  , since my son has ADHD and super intelligence and my youngest a piercing repetitive voice im exhausted . and trying not to be low . I plan to bake bread today when i can stand . ive never done it before so ive no idea how this will turn out but hey , thats the fun of it . and maybe plant some chilli and sweet pepper seeds and maybe put the mini greenhouse outside where it needs to live . First i need to be able to stand up and thats proving difficult .  Im determined to persevere with these tablets and to recount how it feels to get better from depression on here as a documentary for others  , both professional and people like me . who are struggling through it . I WILL get better . I will get my life back and im determined to get every drop of happiness i can from life while im doing it . I want to paint . I Will get myself on the wildlife art circuit one day , I will get an agent , i will achieve what i want to achieve . i WILL get my books published and grow my own fruit and veg on the balcony and in the garden and cook healthy and bring up my kids . If i can keep the house tidy thats an added bonus . What i also need to do though is tell myself no stress . If i have a good day good , if i dont , ce la vie .  Its ok . Im not superwoman and im never going to be   , dont want to be , i just want to be healthy , happy and laid back and no longer in so much pain . Thats all . What so many people take for granted is something i dream of . 
Im also dreaming of Switzerland next year . I hope so much i can go . I need mountains like i need air sometimes . I need to be an artist for a while and feel free  , to sketch and just to enjoy .  Thats a year away and my balcony needs to be my joy untill then . It ever hurts my arms to type . And these pills are supposed to make me better ? well , they have in one respect , im not so scared . not terrified of some dark cloud over me everyday . Not overwhelmed by the thought of all i have to do , thats a big improvement .

work at last

Proof i actually did something today :-)  fuzzy feet on my snow leopard .

A bit of leg

Balcony end of January

break time i was in this chair 20 seconds after the photo , coffee was lovely

Husband making drainage holes

My best friend :-)

Overwintered Geranium

repotted plants

Spring fresh green

candles at night

Last night it was still air and not too cold so i lit some scented candles , wiggled them in the snow and called the kids . We entertained ourselves by stomping in it and throwing snowballs over the balcony :-)

We had fun :-) This morning i walked to school in it , the school being finally open ! Its a 20 minute walk to school uphill and another 20 minutes back . i try to do it fast for excercise because its good for me but sometimes its good to linger and enjoy the walk . Today was a workout day . ive started my healthy eating , i have a  new le crueset pie dish and a similar cast iron casserole pot which takes some lifting , and im loving the way the food looks presented in it , hot orange . . its even a pleasure to wash up . Little things please me greatly . Last night we had chicken casserole and it was lovely . Eating that from a hot orange casserole dish with snow outside the widow . Perfect . Life is little moments , one by one ,. Today im proud of myself . I felt so depressed when i woke , the day seemed empty and impossible but i got up and thought no . Today is good . as i walked back from school i decided to tell myself mornings were the special part of the day  . The kids behaved and we all managed it and walking in the snow was fun . I so hate that dead heavy feeling i get on waking . I want to deal with that i can see its a problem . getting up and getting dressed is a big huge step . it seems so hard but i feel so much better when ive done it .

My overwintering Geraniums . A bit stragly but they soon fill out when they go outside in may :-))) Maybe i will try some cuttings in spring  , they might take better . They arnt getting enough sunlight still so i have some on a box in front of the window and i will rotate them .

This afternoon i finally got my trip to the garden centre which was great because i was getting cabin fever :-) snow was everywhere including on all the plants but i found some great planters  . They are really long , lightweight , and have a great water retention system in the bottom . it has peaks in it like underwater volcanoes with craters in the top so that water is retained in the bottom but runs out over a certain height . what i also love is they come with matching trays so i can start them off indoors and not get my floor wet . I also bought some garlic to grow and some purple carrot seeds because the kids want to grow them for fun . This usually means they will eat them too . If they grow it its nice . If i biy it and cook it its yuk . Kids are strange things .

While i was there i saw this plant for half price . I think it said Stephanoitus , i will have to look it up . My husband chose this recycled glass pot to put it in and no . the pot wasnt cheap but we did our bit for the environment by choosing it above the cheaper plastic ones and it is nice i must admit :-)