Mini orchard , sweet peas and honey bears

These are my mystery fruit trees . I bought them at a really great price today because the tags have faded and beyond knowing they are dwarf fruit trees the garden centre could only do a best guess . So i got four different ones and ill wait and see ! I have a rough idea ut since i really dont mind what i got its ok :-))) My chives are growing , funny how they come through bent in half and they straighten up from being all kinky . I love fresh chives in home made potato salad and i want to try the edible flowers in salads as well as freezing them in ice cubes for some fun .

 I planted garlic and some courgettes to give them an early start before planting out , i sowed some salad lettuce seeds and spring onion ,

This wigwam has a honey bear squash seed in the middle , well , two , i will keep the strongest , and nasturtians and sweet peas round the outseide , the sweet peas are highly scented and im going to eat the nasturtian flowers . ive no idea how big this is gonna get....

Table fun :-) come on spring .Has anyone seen a Crocus this year ??

Warm bread rolls

yum....

I tought my daughter to bake , she loves the smell of it , she loves getting sticky and she loves making her own food , so we baked fresh white bread rolls so we can eat them for breakfast .

We ate one hot from the oven  with real butter and it was delicious , better than fresh from the swiss bakers she said .

She made this bead heart for me . This is the new bread bin it was bought in a sale and when you take the lid out and turn it over its a bread board , cool eh !

I sowed four types of pepper , two sweet , two hot to see what performs best . Im lookign foreward most to one of the sweet ones its supposed to be really long , sounds good ! The potatoes arnt doing much in the way of sending out shoots but its early days yet .

Nasturtian seedlings popped out today :-)

Sweet peas are shooting up ! look at this fella

Ive been painting too

 slowly but surely getting there

My studio heating . Not kidding :-) Snow on the ground again this morning .

mixed day

It started with a light dusting of snow , then we had sun all day and it ended with a blizzard .

Its hard to see in this photo the camera didnt capture it well .

My poor herbs !

Indoors is a different story I walked past my table and was assailed by a wonderful scent

My Hyacinth was open ! When did that happen !

I also bought this plant today for its clove scent , delicious

The first of my seeds has also made an appearance , you have to take my word for it but this is a seedling . I had to look closely to be sure but its all bent over and ready to push out and straighten up .

The baby fish are also growing nicely , they are all in together now

While im waiting for the sun i bought this to keep me warm , its so super soft , and i love the cow print :-))

Hyacinths and snow cats

My hyacinth is nearly there , we hav snow again outside but warmth and light insode so they have been quietly getting on with it and it wont be long untill i get the scent from them

My geraniums have perked up too , ive been moving them into the sun , when we havei t , and some weeks back i gave them a light feed . It did them a lot of good ..

The seeds havnt done much except steam up the propegator , who knows what they are up to tucked up in there . But no signs of growth yet .

On the work side , im slowly dressing my cat . Many many layers will end up on the fur getting finer and finer untill it achieves real depth and looks right .

This is the other painting im working on right now  .  It started in acrylics but it progressed to oils , im feeling the urge to work on the rocks soon  as a change from the fur .

Bread

This afternoon the sun came out ,  I felt better so i made the bread

This is the dough as it was shaped and ready to be left to rise . Its a brown seedy flour mix .

The finished article  , it smelt yummy and it tasted yummy ! it worked , well who knew i can bake my own bread . i thought it was complicated and difficult and full of occult spels and luck but as it happens , no . Bread ! Im going to do this a lot more often , its so satisfying to eat bread you made yourself . The kids couldnt wait for it to cool down to try it they had it still hot with butter on .

morning

Its getting harder . The side effects are getting worse . I feel anxious , stressed and im in pain . pain in my chest , pain under my arm , pain in my ankle , all my joints , my head , i dont know if its stress causing the pain , tablets (its a listed side effect ) or something else or a mix of all three . Im sick of painkillers . Im sick of jaw pain from grinding my teeth and im so dizzy that if i stand up im in danger of colaspe . \The kids are here and husband is asleep in bed  , since my son has ADHD and super intelligence and my youngest a piercing repetitive voice im exhausted . and trying not to be low . I plan to bake bread today when i can stand . ive never done it before so ive no idea how this will turn out but hey , thats the fun of it . and maybe plant some chilli and sweet pepper seeds and maybe put the mini greenhouse outside where it needs to live . First i need to be able to stand up and thats proving difficult .  Im determined to persevere with these tablets and to recount how it feels to get better from depression on here as a documentary for others  , both professional and people like me . who are struggling through it . I WILL get better . I will get my life back and im determined to get every drop of happiness i can from life while im doing it . I want to paint . I Will get myself on the wildlife art circuit one day , I will get an agent , i will achieve what i want to achieve . i WILL get my books published and grow my own fruit and veg on the balcony and in the garden and cook healthy and bring up my kids . If i can keep the house tidy thats an added bonus . What i also need to do though is tell myself no stress . If i have a good day good , if i dont , ce la vie .  Its ok . Im not superwoman and im never going to be   , dont want to be , i just want to be healthy , happy and laid back and no longer in so much pain . Thats all . What so many people take for granted is something i dream of . 
Im also dreaming of Switzerland next year . I hope so much i can go . I need mountains like i need air sometimes . I need to be an artist for a while and feel free  , to sketch and just to enjoy .  Thats a year away and my balcony needs to be my joy untill then . It ever hurts my arms to type . And these pills are supposed to make me better ? well , they have in one respect , im not so scared . not terrified of some dark cloud over me everyday . Not overwhelmed by the thought of all i have to do , thats a big improvement .

plants and pills

This morning was not the greatest . My depression pills have been increased and there are side effects . A myriad of them ,the worst three being tiredness,pain and jumpiness in my muscles . This morning was a wipeout i couldnt stand up for long . This afternoon though i needed to get out so i woke up husband for a trip tp the garden centre and it was fantastic ! so many herbs and veg and flowers and i was seriously tempted by a patio Peach or Nectarine . Next month maybe im still trying not oto spend :-) i did manage to get  tray of mixed golden Violas . I was hoping for scent  , they didnt smell today but it was cold , they may release fragrance on a warm day , wait and see for me :-) I planted them straight away .

I also planted seeds , at last , its time ! I planted two pots of Chives , some Nasturtians so i can eat the flowers in my salads and some Sweet Peas for scent  . I chose an old fashioned variety that is supposed to be gloriously fragrant . I hope so !

This is my new tiny greenhouse . It will go outdoors soon but for now its living indoors . maybe in a day or two it will move out  , i need to find something to weight the bottom down with , it gets windy here sometimes and i can see a disaster happening . i lost one of these years ago to a hailstorm so its handy that its portable , i can always whip it indoors in adverse weather conditions :-) The propegators i borrowed form my mum , thanks mum , no , i didnt buy them ! still being good .

sunshine !

Second making of the apple cake . I had to use white flour this time and it came out a bit too stodgy but we eat it anyway and it was delicious !  I love the  spices in it and its full of apples so the taste is great !

Oh and i started some potatoes chitting . for those that dont know that means putting them in something like this egg box so they start shooting , its supposed to give an earlier crop . I think they will go into the small front garden allotment patch as husband calls it :-)) I got some pea seeds today also i think i will have potatoes one side peas the other . Husband says i will be digging potato plants out forever if i do that but i thought we always need potatoes . This could end in disaster , OR a lot of potatoes . forever . :-))

This was yesterdays lunch . vegetable chilli and lovely bread , i really enjoyed it . My husband cooked this meal and we used what veg we had , delicious . cant wait to eat my own veg again .

Todays dinner ready to roast

Dinner ! full of flavour and roasted in olive oil , good for me :-) I eat it with warmed chiabatta bread :-)

The Angelfish are at it again , more eggs ! the last lot of eggs didnt survive so im trying it differentky this time . All the platies and guppies are growing really well in their breeding trap and they are starting to gain colour now :-)