The balcony Artist

Was this the cloudiest winter ever ?

2011-03-11T12:53:00.000-08:00

We have FINALLY had a few days of sun . One day it was even warm and the lawn has dried out from being just a muddy mess to a hard grassless mess . Thats clay for you . Still . threw some grass seed on , soon that will be all good again . Cant wait for the smell of cut grass.
I planted some tomato seeds today . Small cherry tomatoes and the opposite , HUGE beef tomatoes . Im trying them for the first time as ive never grown big tomatoes before . Apparantly last years tomato blight wasnt unique to me , everyone got it . SO im trying again .
Im also growing some ruby chard if i can find a place ot put it and im going all out for fruit . its so expensive in the shops that i have to if we want to eat any .
Ive added some raspberry bushes and a gooseberry bush that i suspect may be dead , to the front mimi veg patch along with strawberries . The strawberries im trying under a cloche to see if i get earlier or better fruit . Must remember to water them .
On the balcony , well i dont know because husband is building a new balustrade that has glass panels . i want them seriously strong so i can hang window boxes from it . Im hoping anyway . I want to grow black beans up it somewhere but the steps need moving .

I made some plant tags because i cant tell what fruit tree is what in winter , I painted some slate with the names and when the sticks bear fruit again ill add labels .

At least i have some plants in flower now , Spring wont be long !

Spring is sneaking about at last . Just a little bit .

2011-02-01T06:10:00.000-08:00

Spring definately isn't here yet . there is ice in the water and frost on the roof . BUT buds are showing and spring bulbs are sending out green shoots . Its so cold and damp and coudy here , has been for weeks but when it does warm up , this year i think spring is going to be a riot . Cant wait , i need to drink coffee on my balcony again . Last year i did it all winter . This year its been so wet and cloudy and damn cold that i just cant and i miss it . A lot .
I have a new plant pot that i bought really cheaply . Its purple with a wavy edge and i filled it with bright pink , purple and white cyclamen and put it in a corner of the balcony . A strong corner . When it does get sunny it will be ready for me to sit next to and admire . Ive bought tomato , purple bean and Brussel sprout seeds to try this year . Im thinking though it makes more economic sense to grow fruit rather than veg ,. veg is quite cheap , fruit isnt . Maybe i can fit in some raspberry canes .
Im under new doctors orders because i still keep collapsing which is making things a bit difficult . I had my diet all sorted out and they went and changed it . Im banned from a lot of fruit as well as a million other things and thats been hard . Im also not allowed stress or stressful situations . How do i avoid that ! Stress is by definition a situation that happens to you that you cant avoid , which gives you stress . Hmm . cant sell my kids so ill do my best . Im also banned from excercise and undue exertion in case i fall over . for THREE MONTHS . I have a shed to help put up . Im reduced to standing on the sidelines and feeling helpless . I hate that . But i also hate falling over so i guess ill just have to stick with it . we need to know for certain whats causing it . one way to find that out is to see if we can stop it happening . hence all the banned things .

We have at last had a few moments of sun , it had been absolutely WEEKS without any . At one point the entire British Isles was covered in FOG . everywhere . when its not fog its clouds . unrelenting clouds . So any sun , even a flash is really really welcome .

seed packet time ! yay :-)

Sometimes i write .

And make jelly . This is my new pie dish but its great for jelly hearts .

This Lemon Geranium i grew from a cutting from a friend of mine . She went to hospital so i aquired a bit while i was round her house and it smells delicious !

Sunshine ! only a few seconds but it really helps .

Lexi cat with her mouse toy .

Shocked at sunlight !

She was scared of this mouse at first but we took the bell out and now she loves it .

Merry christmas

2010-12-24T14:11:00.000-08:00

Lexi is about to have her first christmas with us . Im fairly sure she has settled in well ;-) its relax time for us now , or it wil be as soon as the kids GO TO SLEEP ! :-)

really bad day .

2010-12-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

Today has been challenging . The car is dead . totally dead and with money troubles looming (temporarily i hope ) this was not welcome news . Also ive managed to injure my back and every part of me hurts . At least its the weekend !
I spent some time making mince pies with my daughter but im so out of energy today . Still , got pies , can eat !

And my laptop is fixed and my dishwasher works , ive never had one before and it makes so much difference to my life . I have a little problem with low energy an the fact that i fall over sometimes . sometimes quite a lot . Im tol there may be something in my brain causing it . more tests..... . The dishwasher is a life and energy saver . it saves me so much time in the day .

random kitchen image , this made me smile because its got a camera lense in , some whisky and a mortar and pestle for the curry spices :-)

Its december again and we have SNOWWWWWW

2010-12-03T06:17:00.000-08:00

Its snowing and its amazing and i love it , apart from the fact that my car is broken and my laptop is supposedly fixed but i now cant reach it , so ive decided to try and blog using the house pc . Husband is being very good about me putting his hard drive into the red with my photos but i really need my laptop back .

Im off my depression tablets for now . I can feel my moods are unstable and on many days i have a depressed episode . Im trying to recognise them as such and that makes them easier to deal with , telling myself that they are not real . Snow makes it easier , this morning it fell as a fine mist and clung to everything . We have had several days worth of it now and its nearly a foot deep . My balcony is deep under it , if it continues i may have to invest in a snow shovel :-))

we have had

temperatures of minus 8 degrees centigrade at night here but it hasnt felt that cold , even out in the snow . I have seen a wall hung fire that is on my wishlist for christmas though , id love to read my book snuggled up in front of that :-)

Today is house tidying time hampered by the new cat we have . Her name is lexi and she is a rescue cat . she is two years old and was abandoned by her owners when they moved house . She is a warm weather cat and does not approve of the snow , at all . She spends her time sitting on the bit of floor the hot pipes run under and snuggled on my lap .

OR on my favourite blanket . She is very comfortable in our house and settled down within minutes . I let her out of her cat box and she sat on my feet and purred .

This is my balcony and garden under snow . Also my herbs , fruit trees and strawberries . The strawberries are totally buried they are just a hump of snow :-)

Missing mountains

2010-06-08T02:04:00.000-07:00

It rained here , and stormed . Times liek these i miss Swiss balconies . English doors and windows were not designed to be opened in a downpour . We got that wrong because when it storms the air smells delicious ! The Swiss overhanging roof is a wonderful invention ,. it also means you can dry your washing in the rain :-)

This is a pastel sketch of a photo by Jessica Burnett , thanks Jess !

beach day ,pastels and driftwood

2010-06-04T14:33:00.000-07:00

This afternoon we wandered down to the beach . We looked for fossilised sharks teeth , millions of years old , we dug for baryte crystals in the cliffs .

I did some sketches in soft pastel

My best driftwood find . i found lots of smaller bits too that im thinking up plans for , its so light ! This piece has silky silver branches , i love it .

My new Clematis flower with my driftwood

my tomatoes and my grapevine . these are next to the new lawn . we have lots of bunches of grapes coming on the vine . The other tomatoes got scoffed by slugs , these ones surrounded by gravel are fine . i need to plant up some more tomorrow .

This butterfly went and laid eggs on my olive bush after this , i hope we get a new generation of them , ill sacrifice my olive bush handsomeness for munched leaves and more of these guys , they are deep blue inside their wings .

Last thing in the evening , the scent of cloves and vanilla on the balcony

umm , ok its been ages.

2010-06-03T13:54:00.000-07:00

Ive just been living life I guess and not blogging . Totally lost track of where i was so im just going to start from now and not try to catch up , because i cant ! . Today we went to a country park to let the monsters loose for a while . As soon as we opened the car door they escaped .

There were wild animals in the grass

doing strange things

The flowers were beautiful . There were lots .

After the country park we went home for a BBQ

Glorious day ;-)

missing in action

2010-05-21T12:19:00.000-07:00

I havnt been blogging because ive been far to busy , which is great ! my lawn is growing , but my plants are not however the sun is shining and ive given everything a feed . I lost a courgette to cold , and one squash honeybear and half my tomatoes to slugs , other than that all is well :-)

my potatoes are growing out front and getting curious glances from passers by .

my peas are growing but i found out i shouldnt have planted them next to the garlic . ah well .

Prunus Kanzan in my front garden . turning my veg patch pink .

a little bit of fun i brought back from switzerland :-)

Switzerland sketches and peach leaf curl

2010-04-30T03:49:00.000-07:00

I did some en plein air sketchesd whilst up in the peaks in Switzerland . These are intended as aids to me and i do them for the fun of sketching . They make snese to me anyway , each one captures something that intrigued me at the time .

On another subject , my peach or nectarine trees have peach leaf curl . no fruit this year , a disaster but i think i can fix it for next year , i like a challenge . The rest of the garden is still going crazy , i had to make a new veg raised bed for some borlotti beans (i think need to check the packet) some cabbage and a courgette . Its all planted too close but i can always harvest young i hope or transplant the cabbages to the front bed when the peas are done . im juggling but its fun . the lawn is nearly levelled and ready for sowing with seed and the strawberries are full of flowers . ive learned they can slow or stop cancer tumours forming and since both my parents have had , and recovered , from cancer strawberries are on the diet big time .

Im loving my life right now , it rained lst night and the garden smells fabulous . i have scented stock overwintered and flowering and the violas are suddenly full of scent , delicious after rain the scent floods the gardens . cant wait for the sweet peas to flower on the balcony !

back from Switzerland

2010-04-28T02:34:00.000-07:00

Well , Switzerland , France , Germany ,Luxembourg and Belgium . We missed out on Italy and Holland narrowly . Strange how a trip to the Swiss alps was nearly stopped by a volcano in Iceland . My flight was cancelled so we jumped in the car ad took the ferry . Great decision it was fantastic and the sunsets were amazing . Ill update the blog with photos and info as i process them . Now im back and my garden exploded while i was away ! everything needs either potting up or planting out and i still have that lawn to seed though its nearly flat now . i have piles of laundry everywhere but im happy ! its spring and its beautiful . I looked at all the Swiss gardens i could find and they filled out during the week i was there . Full of blossoms and dandelions and trained fruit trees . The garden centres were amazing but i dont think i can bring live plants to England so i didnt buy . Ive got ideas for my fruit trees though.....
Im struggling settling in . Im dizzy . I wasnt dizzy in Switzerland but i am here . stress? dont know , im ignoring it . I woke up filled with dread for the morning BUT happy also , i know , weird . I got the kids ready for school . oldest is still off with a torn muscle , (yesterday) and it was stressful but then when we strted walking my sons hand slipped into mine and my daughter walked nicely beside me and it was all ok . I echanged conversation with school mums , a friend of the kids launched herself into my lap for a cuddle and the sun was shining . I realised i NEED this walk to school , wanting to opt out holds me back . Its nice . Its good , i can look at peoples gardens and see the Abby on the hill . I can think on the way back and clear my head . Nice . I must remember that tomorrow .

It was amazingly special there but its also amazingly special here . full of smiles :-)
Swiss houses are beautiful .

Bee cake

2010-04-12T10:16:00.000-07:00

My daughter , the smallest one is six ! and she wanted a bee cake , well , two bee cakes , a big one and a little one so we made them together ;-)

Little bee cake ;-)

and they were delicious . My kids dont like shop bought cake and they LOVE to stick their fingers in the mixing bowls . So do i :-)

Digging and more digging

2010-04-11T12:38:00.000-07:00

I need a new lawn , i had one once , sort of but i dont now because im on london clay and it dries and cracks and bakes and only weeds survive in it . Last week i looked out of my window and thought , dig the lawn . So we did and i still am . Why is it if i plant a carrot i get them with torsos arms and legs usually twisted but every single dandelion weed had a root like a perfect parsnip ??
I was told i need lime so i bought lime to dig in . I need topsoil but i cant afford that BUT i discovered the bottom of the garden is black gold leaf mulch so . Dig from bottom , mix at top and see how we go . im hoping to work in some used compost from pots i have to make the ground more friable . i love that word friable :-)
So far the weather has been cooperating but the ground is beggining to dry out . if i dont finish this now i wont get the chance so dig and dig some more :-) Im finding it really therapeutic and im getting much stronger . My muscles ache but i like it . I ve also been signed off by my therapist ive gone from severely depressed to mild , im proud of that . ;-)

My new strawberry planter i found in a discount shop . Wilkinsons i think . Al the strawberry plants in it i dug out oif my flower border and from under the decking where they had propegated themselves from runners . Im hoping for a good crop from this .

My husbands Magnolia Stellata is flowering beautifully i love the way the light shines through the flowers in the morning . The weather has been beautiful here , hot sun with a fresh sea breeze . We had a first unplanned BBQ of the year on the balcony .

With bread rolls fresh from the oven

And pork with special honey glaze :-) We made homemade potato salad and chicken and vegetable kebabs too and it was delicious :-)

How my garden grows , in between rain and hailstorms and high winds...

2010-04-03T07:07:00.000-07:00

Spring is here , even if the weather is trying its hardest to go back to winter .

This is my front garden veg patch , i had to pull half the wall down as it was becoming dangerous and this white hump is a homemade cloch made from the poles from a beach tant , some fleece and some clothes pegs . under it is garlic , peas , and possibly about a million tomato plants , or maybe california poppies i cant tell andyway , they will succumb to the hoe once i find out what they are . Next to this are a row of potatoes under fleece but you cant see them in this shot .

One of my mini orchard trees . I still dont know what it is exactly .

this is the bottom half of my olive tree , im hoping this trunk becomes all gnarly and twisty as it grows . its living in the pot though i found out how big these things can get .

My grape vine is in bud :-)

This one i THINK is either apple or pear . im hoping for apple .

This one , i havnt a clue :-)

My balcony plant hotspot

The violas are romping away now i gave them a feed and they seem to like it

Sweet peas and nasturtians outside and surviving , mostly .

strawberries in flower . well , one is anyway the rest havnt got the idea yet .

courgette seed it was yellowing slightly so i gave it a feed and its greened up aagin nicely , wow these things are hungry !

Soring onions and lettuce . getting there , a few more weeks before i can harvest though .

Lupin , waiting to go into my flower border . i want it to get big enough to withstand the slugs . the last lot got chomped .

garlic bread and mammograms

2010-04-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

Today was mammogram day , only i didnt know it.... i turned up at the breast pain clinic and had to wait over an hour for my appointment , the breast expert then pushed on y breast untill she found out where it hurt (everywhere) and said apart from that im fine but i was having a mammogram , right then . Ive never had one before being only 36 so this was a first and wow , they do squash em ! ouch \!!!!!
anyway . after a mcdonalds cream egg mcflurry for the trauma i was fine again :-))
My squash honey bear has finally decided to germinate , i bunged it in the airing cupboard and thats exactly what it needed , HEAT , only thing was when i discovered it again it was about 4 inches high and yellow . its greening up now though quite nicely . i have a new strawberry patch at y mother in laws and i bought a plum tree (victoria) and a cooking cherry (morello) to plant tomorrow if its nice enough . im going to fan train them as a new fence in between myself an d my neigbour . everything is shooting . y geraniums arrived and i potted them up , to grow them on . my tomato seedlings are mostly in individual pots now , the courgettes are still romping away . and y mystery orchard is just bursting into flower . photos tomorrow i hope .
Ive been quiet on here for too long because my eldest has not recovered from her concussion she recieved at school yet but she is getting there :-)
EASTER WEEKEND yay !
right now im baking garlic and rosemary foccacia for the first time . hmm . smells allright !

New painting and no cooker

2010-03-28T13:36:00.000-07:00

I painted this in acrylic on canvas after getting annoyed at the no show of my new cooker . I have to wait another 6 weeks ! for it , someone forgot to order it . they gave me the delivery date too , i moved kitchen cupboards , nearly took the old cooker out but didnt , luckily . sigh . at least it should be worth all the fuss . so for now , still no photos of my garden , but i did do this

VULTURE !!

title Chaos Range Master

courgette

2010-03-19T05:03:00.000-07:00

Im in love with these seedings ! they are so fat and strong and big !
Tomatoes seem so weedy next to them .

My Squash Honeybear didnt germinate so im trying again this weekend in the airing cupboard with new seeds , i think they needed more heat . im wondering what size those seeds wil be . In fact , im wondering what size the plants will be ! im hoping for something monster and exciting . Im also fighting off the urge to buy a really brilliant temporary greenhouse with staging that ive seen . its plastic like my existing small ones so i could out it on the decking . hmmmmm .

BUDS on my miniture fruit tree . well , on all of them really . i still dont know what they are or what colour the flowers will be !

My sweet peas and nasturtians were sent to live outside and they are still alive ! i have a bolt of fleece handy if frost is likely or i can bring it in overnight .

spring !

2010-03-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

spring is finally here , i have buds on my fruit trees i cant wait untill the leaves come out . i have daffodills indoors picked frpm the garden and i even saw some strawberry flowers on the strawberry plants ! i potted a lot of them up in the last few days they had escaped into the border by stealth . strangely they had all managed to get entwined with a stinging nettle baby plant and my fingers tingled all day . my courgette seedlings are huge ! i love them totally . my squash honeybear has not worked , nothing . i think i need to seed again in a pot and out it somewhere hotter to get them to germinate . i need to check the peas , potatoes and garlic i have under fleece too . maybe tomorrow afternoon i will have time , im painting in the morning , got a lynx on canvas still to finish off . im not happy about the background on it . no photos again because i still cant find my camera charger ! some soon promise .

Not quite there yet

2010-03-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

Im still having severe pain problems which sapps my will to do anything else so im struggling again but things are growing which is exciting too . The Courgettes sprouted , big fat seed leaves , i love them . Sweet peas are climbing , indoors , tomatos peppers , spring onions , lettuce all doing well and garlic potatoes and peas went outside . The chives look like a grass mat and everything is getting on with it ;-)) photos soon i hope . we are still having night frosts and will be untill the start of may so ive a long wait before all my seedlings can be sent outside to manage alone which gives me a great excuse for leaving them inside the house to potter with . The only thing that hasnt sprouted yet is the Squash Honeybear , ill give it another week and then sow some more seeds and try again , i know some seeds can be really slow to get the idea of growing right .
Right now eating healthy is on my mind because not only is my underwear feeling the strain but i had luch in an all you can eat chinese today . Absolutely delicious , very cheap and fattening ! yes i did have the sweet and sour sauce on fried chicken . sigh .
I also went to the art shop and bought some canvas panels and a new paintbrush . This morning i sketched out a new small canvas , im going to be painting a Northern Lynx , ive never done one before . This particular one i watched on a snowy day and it was really enjoying the cold , relaxed and happy animal it was a pleasure to watch . My reference photo shows it at full streatch with all the delicious belly fur for me to paint , i love that bit :-) it has H U G E feet too .

WRONG PILLS

2010-03-02T12:27:00.000-08:00

Ok , i havnt been writing because I was given pills for my pain which ended up sending me into severe depression for days . Bad bad bad . Stopped the pills , the pain is better then that . Getting well is hard . everytime i try to sort one thing it affects all the rest . AAGH .
Im back though . A trip to the wildlife park soon made me feel better , the weather is wonderful , the animals were great and i got plenty of new reference . perfect . That was yesterday . Today ive been in the garden planting up the new fruit trees and sorting out the borders and the weather is STILL great , maybe we have spring at last ?? some daffodils would be nice :-)

This is a Pallas cat from Mongolia :-) one of the photos from the wildlife park trip .

Mini orchard , sweet peas and honey bears

2010-02-20T14:28:00.001-08:00

These are my mystery fruit trees . I bought them at a really great price today because the tags have faded and beyond knowing they are dwarf fruit trees the garden centre could only do a best guess . So i got four different ones and ill wait and see ! I have a rough idea ut since i really dont mind what i got its ok :-))) My chives are growing , funny how they come through bent in half and they straighten up from being all kinky . I love fresh chives in home made potato salad and i want to try the edible flowers in salads as well as freezing them in ice cubes for some fun .

I planted garlic and some courgettes to give them an early start before planting out , i sowed some salad lettuce seeds and spring onion ,

This wigwam has a honey bear squash seed in the middle , well , two , i will keep the strongest , and nasturtians and sweet peas round the outseide , the sweet peas are highly scented and im going to eat the nasturtian flowers . ive no idea how big this is gonna get....

Table fun :-) come on spring .Has anyone seen a Crocus this year ??

Warm bread rolls

2010-02-14T14:16:00.000-08:00

yum....

I tought my daughter to bake , she loves the smell of it , she loves getting sticky and she loves making her own food , so we baked fresh white bread rolls so we can eat them for breakfast .

We ate one hot from the oven with real butter and it was delicious , better than fresh from the swiss bakers she said .

She made this bead heart for me . This is the new bread bin it was bought in a sale and when you take the lid out and turn it over its a bread board , cool eh !

I sowed four types of pepper , two sweet , two hot to see what performs best . Im lookign foreward most to one of the sweet ones its supposed to be really long , sounds good ! The potatoes arnt doing much in the way of sending out shoots but its early days yet .

Nasturtian seedlings popped out today :-)

Sweet peas are shooting up ! look at this fella

Ive been painting too

slowly but surely getting there

My studio heating . Not kidding :-) Snow on the ground again this morning .

mixed day

2010-02-10T13:39:00.000-08:00

It started with a light dusting of snow , then we had sun all day and it ended with a blizzard .

Its hard to see in this photo the camera didnt capture it well .

My poor herbs !

Indoors is a different story I walked past my table and was assailed by a wonderful scent

My Hyacinth was open ! When did that happen !

I also bought this plant today for its clove scent , delicious

The first of my seeds has also made an appearance , you have to take my word for it but this is a seedling . I had to look closely to be sure but its all bent over and ready to push out and straighten up .

The baby fish are also growing nicely , they are all in together now

While im waiting for the sun i bought this to keep me warm , its so super soft , and i love the cow print :-))

Hyacinths and snow cats

2010-02-09T11:40:00.000-08:00

My hyacinth is nearly there , we hav snow again outside but warmth and light insode so they have been quietly getting on with it and it wont be long untill i get the scent from them

My geraniums have perked up too , ive been moving them into the sun , when we havei t , and some weeks back i gave them a light feed . It did them a lot of good ..

The seeds havnt done much except steam up the propegator , who knows what they are up to tucked up in there . But no signs of growth yet .

On the work side , im slowly dressing my cat . Many many layers will end up on the fur getting finer and finer untill it achieves real depth and looks right .

This is the other painting im working on right now . It started in acrylics but it progressed to oils , im feeling the urge to work on the rocks soon as a change from the fur .

Bread

2010-02-06T09:58:00.000-08:00

This afternoon the sun came out , I felt better so i made the bread

This is the dough as it was shaped and ready to be left to rise . Its a brown seedy flour mix .

The finished article , it smelt yummy and it tasted yummy ! it worked , well who knew i can bake my own bread . i thought it was complicated and difficult and full of occult spels and luck but as it happens , no . Bread ! Im going to do this a lot more often , its so satisfying to eat bread you made yourself . The kids couldnt wait for it to cool down to try it they had it still hot with butter on .

morning

2010-02-06T03:04:00.000-08:00

Its getting harder . The side effects are getting worse . I feel anxious , stressed and im in pain . pain in my chest , pain under my arm , pain in my ankle , all my joints , my head , i dont know if its stress causing the pain , tablets (its a listed side effect ) or something else or a mix of all three . Im sick of painkillers . Im sick of jaw pain from grinding my teeth and im so dizzy that if i stand up im in danger of colaspe . \The kids are here and husband is asleep in bed , since my son has ADHD and super intelligence and my youngest a piercing repetitive voice im exhausted . and trying not to be low . I plan to bake bread today when i can stand . ive never done it before so ive no idea how this will turn out but hey , thats the fun of it . and maybe plant some chilli and sweet pepper seeds and maybe put the mini greenhouse outside where it needs to live . First i need to be able to stand up and thats proving difficult . Im determined to persevere with these tablets and to recount how it feels to get better from depression on here as a documentary for others , both professional and people like me . who are struggling through it . I WILL get better . I will get my life back and im determined to get every drop of happiness i can from life while im doing it . I want to paint . I Will get myself on the wildlife art circuit one day , I will get an agent , i will achieve what i want to achieve . i WILL get my books published and grow my own fruit and veg on the balcony and in the garden and cook healthy and bring up my kids . If i can keep the house tidy thats an added bonus . What i also need to do though is tell myself no stress . If i have a good day good , if i dont , ce la vie . Its ok . Im not superwoman and im never going to be , dont want to be , i just want to be healthy , happy and laid back and no longer in so much pain . Thats all . What so many people take for granted is something i dream of .
Im also dreaming of Switzerland next year . I hope so much i can go . I need mountains like i need air sometimes . I need to be an artist for a while and feel free , to sketch and just to enjoy . Thats a year away and my balcony needs to be my joy untill then . It ever hurts my arms to type . And these pills are supposed to make me better ? well , they have in one respect , im not so scared . not terrified of some dark cloud over me everyday . Not overwhelmed by the thought of all i have to do , thats a big improvement .

plants and pills

2010-02-04T11:04:00.000-08:00

This morning was not the greatest . My depression pills have been increased and there are side effects . A myriad of them ,the worst three being tiredness,pain and jumpiness in my muscles . This morning was a wipeout i couldnt stand up for long . This afternoon though i needed to get out so i woke up husband for a trip tp the garden centre and it was fantastic ! so many herbs and veg and flowers and i was seriously tempted by a patio Peach or Nectarine . Next month maybe im still trying not oto spend :-) i did manage to get tray of mixed golden Violas . I was hoping for scent , they didnt smell today but it was cold , they may release fragrance on a warm day , wait and see for me :-) I planted them straight away .

I also planted seeds , at last , its time ! I planted two pots of Chives , some Nasturtians so i can eat the flowers in my salads and some Sweet Peas for scent . I chose an old fashioned variety that is supposed to be gloriously fragrant . I hope so !

This is my new tiny greenhouse . It will go outdoors soon but for now its living indoors . maybe in a day or two it will move out , i need to find something to weight the bottom down with , it gets windy here sometimes and i can see a disaster happening . i lost one of these years ago to a hailstorm so its handy that its portable , i can always whip it indoors in adverse weather conditions :-) The propegators i borrowed form my mum , thanks mum , no , i didnt buy them ! still being good .

sunshine !

Second making of the apple cake . I had to use white flour this time and it came out a bit too stodgy but we eat it anyway and it was delicious ! I love the spices in it and its full of apples so the taste is great !

Oh and i started some potatoes chitting . for those that dont know that means putting them in something like this egg box so they start shooting , its supposed to give an earlier crop . I think they will go into the small front garden allotment patch as husband calls it :-)) I got some pea seeds today also i think i will have potatoes one side peas the other . Husband says i will be digging potato plants out forever if i do that but i thought we always need potatoes . This could end in disaster , OR a lot of potatoes . forever . :-))

This was yesterdays lunch . vegetable chilli and lovely bread , i really enjoyed it . My husband cooked this meal and we used what veg we had , delicious . cant wait to eat my own veg again .

Todays dinner ready to roast

Dinner ! full of flavour and roasted in olive oil , good for me :-) I eat it with warmed chiabatta bread :-)

The Angelfish are at it again , more eggs ! the last lot of eggs didnt survive so im trying it differentky this time . All the platies and guppies are growing really well in their breeding trap and they are starting to gain colour now :-)

work at last

2010-01-31T09:09:00.000-08:00

Proof i actually did something today :-) fuzzy feet on my snow leopard .

A bit of leg

Balcony end of January

break time i was in this chair 20 seconds after the photo , coffee was lovely

Husband making drainage holes

My best friend :-)

Overwintered Geranium

repotted plants

Spring fresh green

I think therefore

2010-01-31T02:14:00.000-08:00

I think therefore i get muddled up . This morning im raging with inspiration and im in the wrong place . Husbands asleep , kids are playing up and i have a migraine . I NEED to be in someplace isolated and majestic , or remote , or high , or just plain peaceful . i need space and good vistas . I need that high that i get . today i realised fully , like a smack in the face just how much depression has taken from me and its not just a little , its a lot , its ten years that have left me ten years behind what i want to do . when i was a child i had to draw , had to be alone , had to record and collect and hear words in my head , i created always and was firmly rooted in my surroundings but i didnt know why . Turns out it was because im an artist , thats why . now im afloat again . what sort of an artist am i . why am i not serious about what i do . Ive been told i have the talent and the inspiration so why do i hide . Fear . fear is the answer , depression driven fear and stupidly its a fear of being successful . im scared of it . i know how to be broke , i know how to be mummie , some days , i know how to be wife . what i dont know is this wild thing iside me that wants to get out . i aknowledge it , i enjoy it but it tortures me , i should be more , i should do more . I have to take this out into the light , look at it , give it a good shake and decide . I can either be mummie all the time or i can really be an artist .
I CAN do it . Having depression dosnt prevent me , it just makes it a whole lot harder but on the other hand , it adds an extra element . I can see it as a gift that makes me appreciate things more . The reason for sharing this is whith depression it always feel like you struggle alone . So im sharing . I feel this . so if anyone else feels this , you are not alone :-)))

Alpine thoughts

2010-01-31T01:08:00.000-08:00

Some places in the world it gets wilder the further you go , in the Alps it gets wilder the higher you go . Towering above the trappings of civilization the high alpine world gradually strips itself of mans influence shedding trees , roads , people . plantlife untill whats left is the bare essence of high altitude environments , the rocks , the snow and ice , the weird unexpected formations and all pervading , the weather that rules over all . Some animals cling to life here , some plants cling to the sharp slopes and huddle in massive cravasses shelted from scouring winds , hail , lightning , ice , snow . One moments blackout , the next lit by rainbows from below its a world unknown from above its excatly that , a world above , elevated senses and thoughts in elevated heights .
There is access its tue , to some areas of the Alps , lots in fact but it only takes a little effort to escape that to true wildness , to be alone and to soak it up and just feel . I talk to much .

Painting day

2010-01-29T13:07:00.000-08:00

Last night i got inspired to paint ,thanks Clive , so today i defrosted the studio , fortified myself with caffiene and went to paint . I gave myself eye strain dehydration and possible frostbite but im getting the Leopards legs on albiet slowly . at least this time my paint is not frozen . This seriously happened a few weeks back . The mouth looks wonky , the colours look wrong and its mostly naked and looks motheaten but this wont last ! this is how messy my work looks when its creating itself . I know when a picture starts to work when i walk by it and say hello cat but it isnt at that stage yet . Maybe when i have got its leg onto the next layer it might be . I didnt want to stop . The reason the cat looks more brown than grey is because im working from two references of the same cat on the same day , one is brown , one is grey , im working to what i know is the correct colouration . Wait and see :-) This is a female Snow Leopard she is looking towards the male which was way off left when i watched them .

A few other photos from today The 30 seconds of sunshine

Snow clouds behind the trees . After dark there was a sprinkling of snow on my balcony :-)

Life is small pleasures

2010-01-28T12:32:00.000-08:00

Today . we had two minutes of sunshine again , here it is

Today was accounting day . OOOPS i am shocked and horrified at my overspend . I know why i do it , its because on depressed days i just NEED a polyanthus or a book or a new set of plates , (actually i did because i dropped all the old ones on my foot and smashed them ) and i got them half price but the truth is i just cant aford these things . i have enough if i dont buy anything . The food bill , OOOOOOOPS ! way to much . I have to learn something from my grandmother now and all those kitchen gardeners that look so happy shelling peas on their doorsteps . THRIFT !

Spend nothing . It is now a game . My dad gave me books , i have seeds , pots and mud . I am therefore rich , I have everything i need and most of what i want so the game is now to shop as cheaply as possible and this means my gardening is no longer a hobby or a place to sit and be pleased or a good way to get fresh and organic veg , its now a way to feed my family , a necessity as it used to be . I need to think harder about how i was going to organise things and plant mostly what we EAT not what i want to give a go , though if ive got the seeds and the space those will sneak in too :-))

todays dinner , before it went into the oven , a strange looking lasagne because this is the pie dish that i have :-))

It came out all golden and bubbly and we scraped it clean it was lovely . I served it with a salad of tomatoes onions mozarella and basil with a swirl of olive oil and seasoning . I grated a carrot for the kids and they eat it ! lol , we had some grapes , we had some more grated cheese and some bread . dinner . I have found if i ask kids do they want grated carrot they would look at me in horror . if i just put a bowl on the table hands sneak in :-) ok my meals are strange mixes but i cant afford to shop yes so we use what we have as we should do and its fine :-) l

Wishing the sun would shine and the third eyebrow .

2010-01-27T10:28:00.000-08:00

Well , the sun did shine , for 30 minutes the last two days , i really needed it but we have bad weather on the way in again , and its freezing . No joke i had the heating on all day and i was wearing my coat indoors . Me that doesnt feel the cold .
I woke up this morning unwilling to move but i managed it with the thought of a hot coffee and in one hour it would all be over ( the school run ) . My son saw me said hello mum and i realised he had a third eyebrow . Not a good start . it was deep purple , he slept on a felt tip and no , it didnt come off . Then my daughter said mum i cant move my neck it really hurts and i felt so low and drained i called for help . Mum came and gave us a much needed lift to school my daughter would have been in too much pain walking 20 minutes in minus 6 degrees c with a stiff neck . I had coffee at mums and walked back past the aAbbey on the hilll in the sun , it hurt to breathe but i enjoyed the walk :-)

I planned gardening , so i went out , fed the birds more seeds , bought in a planter full of soil and happily dug my trowel in , ortried to , Frozen solid . I thawed it out in front of the radiator :-)

I planted it up with some Polyanthus i bought and i love the finished look . This was an old trug i had for collecting garden produce but it went a bit rusty so i recycled it into a planter .

Another great discovery this week , some Hyacinths that i can grow on and enjoy the scent from , i chose white ones , and these are the plants i planted up in the trug ..

Please note the sunshine !

This fruit came from the local market , we got there just as he was closing down and we got it super cheap ! i let the kids loose on it they are now stained with cherry juice :-)

On the baby news , we now have four baby Platies and a LOT of new baby Guppies , to many to count ,. they are all in the same breeding trap now which is bigger than the other one and they have a constant flow of bubbles to airate and cool the water because they are trapped under the light and they may overheat . The sides of the trap are perforated to allow the water flow in . If you enklarge this image you can just make out small grey brown babies in there with the orange ones . there are about 20 you cant see :-)

This also happened , the Golden nugget Plec is just above the Snowball Plec and this is danger ! amazingly they didnt fight . so close ...

Ive been finding things hard . Im so sleepy and i hurt , everywhere hurts . the doc tells me its stress and he has upped my tablets for depression again . Ill take them and see . but im so tired...... and im having intense dreams , side effecs i know , and the joint pain . Still , im willing to suffer a lot to get better , and i am . Im still healthy eating , tonight we had chorizio sausages which twizzled the kids tongues up :-)) spring greens , new potatoes and baked butternut squash that my smallest girl and i loved . Im keeping it up and im determined to enjoy my life to the full . Im really feeling the lack of sun . soon , hopefully soon it will come back .

No sun

2010-01-23T14:02:00.000-08:00

There is no sun no sun no sun in England for DAYS and DAYS more to go . i have S A D and this is major bad . I need sunlight or i will wither away :-) . Mornings are hard . That first hour depression hits and its a struggle to remember the rest of the day will not be like this . Whats hard in the morning will be easy in the afternoon but oh boy im stressed . A lot of the point of this blog is to give myself a reason . A reason to get up , a reason to do things , a reason to enjoy and it works too . At night instead of nasty images in my mind i see herbs . VAST improvement . I do things so i can take a photo and upload . I had plenty of purpose before with painting and writing and photography but i found i needed something new and different to grab my attention and blogs got me . I loved them , so much feel good shared by other people gives me a massive boost . :-)

Two more soon to be mummies :-)

I cooked , it helps , i feel productive and nurturing feeding my family good stuff .

My husband weighed the potatoes and didnt realise he made a potato man .

Shepherds pie filling

The final article , it was yummy . Comfort food .

At the end of the day before the night terrors set in i can remember i have so much to be greatful for and no reason to be depressed . Im a positive person and i will get better . I have to give myself time , look after myself and capture every moment . I have to remember that in the morning . :-)

Breeding Angelfish

2010-01-20T10:14:00.000-08:00

Breeding Angelfish

Today the Angelfish decided to join in the fun and lay eggs on a Sword plant ! I have five baby Platies in the floating breeding trap and no where to put the Anglefish eggs and now i have just seen the other Platy is hugely fat ! I have no where to put her while she has her babies , i cant put her in the trap or she will eat the other ones unless;...... i very carefully lower the V shaped barrier back in over the existing fry but im really worried about hurting them if i do that and then the kids will cry at me . I need another breeding trap or two ! The Angelfish eggs will all get eaten over night by this guy my Golden Nugget. I also have a Snowball plec and two Ancistrus .

Swine flu

2010-01-19T09:48:00.000-08:00

Hmm . My son was diagnosed with possible swine flu this morning he has been really ill , we picked up the Tamiflu allocated to him and before i could give it he perked up . hopefully he hasnt got it . My dad is in hospital having tests , having his lungs drained and having cancer removed . We got back in late last night from taking him there because they had a bed problem due to wards closed because of winter vomiting bug .

On the up side my livebearing Platy fish had babies . Five , this morning . the parents are bright orange . I put the mother in a breeding trap to keep the babies safe and she is now removed and back in the tank leaving the babies to grow on . I have special food for them .

My youngest daughter is not naming them she called her fish Twinkled Sausage .

This is the floating breeding trap . ingenious , it comes with an insert which i have taken out , to keep the mother seperate from the babies while she is giving birth . Otherwise she might eat the babies .

Ive been feeling a bit down and depresssed and mornings have been hard so we moved the chandelier to above the new sofa , its brighter for me and i cleaned the crystals

couldnt resist sharing my new casserole pot . Makes me smile :-)

I want to be gardening ! Im still bringing in pots to clean and putting food out for the birds , tomorrow its supposed to snow again maybe . \the ground is really cold and soggy . I have seen some daffodil leaves coming through though . Im filling out the order in the seed catalogue tonight , a few more things may sneak in :-))

This geranium is a bit leggy lol i have turned it away from the window so the leaves grow more evenly and move back towards the light .

Fish tank

2010-01-16T11:57:00.000-08:00

Its raining , the snow has melted and we have big winds so no gardening today . i tried painting but it was as dark as evening , the lights didnt help because they shone of the pencil drawing and created shadows so i gave up on that , and decided on some indoor gardening , or rather , the fish tank . it needed a clean out and some new plants . Its a freshwater tropical tank .

Drawing day

2010-01-15T10:19:00.000-08:00

This morning was a housework morning as they all are and i had to strenuously resist buying things form the Tchibo website . I only need to hold out for a week then i can order :-))
What i did do was retrieve some pots from the garden and wash them out with hot soapy water to make sure they dont harbour any germs . They are Scheurich pots and i love them . one is brown , one is bright orange and the other is a metal bucket with a daisy wrapround picture on it . I expect they will end up on my balcony table with Geraniums and Chives in them .
This afternoon was a drwing afternoon ,. I finally gave the Snow Leopard some life . My daughter was howling with laughter when i was talking to it . She is off school with a sprained ankle . She kept saying its not real mummy ! and i covered the leopards ears with my hand and said "dont listen ! now , where do you want your tail " she thinks im mad .

Studio scribbles ..

The whole thing but bear in mind the perspective is skewed because the desk is tipped

Im having background troubles , it will probably change a few times , and the snow leopard too , before im through . First it was too fat , then too thin . then the ears needed to be closer and the eyes too far apart .. but im getting closer now .

Fruit shopping , handwarmers and ice .

2010-01-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

This morning when i looked out the window it had been raining and the snow was melting . Ok i thought walking to school should be OK . i popped the handwarmers , the kids love to watch them go hard and hot and whiter , and we bundled up and headed out and got as far as three houses up when my eldest gave up hopping and said no more it hurts ! She twisted her ankle yesterday and again several times on the ice because although it was melting what was left was like oiled bumpy glass . My son had a hospital appointment so i ended up with only one in school and i had to wake my husband after only a few hours home from nightshift to drive the remaining urchin safely to the school . AAGH .
My son was diagnosed with ADHD and elements of Aspergers today . He is a mild case and super intelligent but very exhausting to deal with , Now we have an official diagnosis we can deal with him more effectively . Its a relief .

Today was also fruit shopping day . With five hungry people in one house no fruit is safe . We had salad for dinner and then i put on the table a punnet of raspberries , a punnet of blueberries and half a bunch of grapes . I went to wash up . halfway through the dishes my smallest urchin came to me and solemny handed me three sad grapes hanging on the remaining grape stalk , and a pot with three squashed raspberries in it . That was all that was left , its like being invaded by a swarm of locusts .

This wont last long . I am going to order a cherry tree and maybe an apple this year .

Heart shaped handwarmers , we have snowflake onles also :-) This is after they are activated , when they are cool again you have to boil them for ten minutes to re-set them back to liquid then you an use them again , up to 1000 times .

candles at night

2010-01-12T03:19:00.000-08:00

Last night it was still air and not too cold so i lit some scented candles , wiggled them in the snow and called the kids . We entertained ourselves by stomping in it and throwing snowballs over the balcony :-)

We had fun :-) This morning i walked to school in it , the school being finally open ! Its a 20 minute walk to school uphill and another 20 minutes back . i try to do it fast for excercise because its good for me but sometimes its good to linger and enjoy the walk . Today was a workout day . ive started my healthy eating , i have a new le crueset pie dish and a similar cast iron casserole pot which takes some lifting , and im loving the way the food looks presented in it , hot orange . . its even a pleasure to wash up . Little things please me greatly . Last night we had chicken casserole and it was lovely . Eating that from a hot orange casserole dish with snow outside the widow . Perfect . Life is little moments , one by one ,. Today im proud of myself . I felt so depressed when i woke , the day seemed empty and impossible but i got up and thought no . Today is good . as i walked back from school i decided to tell myself mornings were the special part of the day . The kids behaved and we all managed it and walking in the snow was fun . I so hate that dead heavy feeling i get on waking . I want to deal with that i can see its a problem . getting up and getting dressed is a big huge step . it seems so hard but i feel so much better when ive done it .

My overwintering Geraniums . A bit stragly but they soon fill out when they go outside in may :-))) Maybe i will try some cuttings in spring , they might take better . They arnt getting enough sunlight still so i have some on a box in front of the window and i will rotate them .

This afternoon i finally got my trip to the garden centre which was great because i was getting cabin fever :-) snow was everywhere including on all the plants but i found some great planters . They are really long , lightweight , and have a great water retention system in the bottom . it has peaks in it like underwater volcanoes with craters in the top so that water is retained in the bottom but runs out over a certain height . what i also love is they come with matching trays so i can start them off indoors and not get my floor wet . I also bought some garlic to grow and some purple carrot seeds because the kids want to grow them for fun . This usually means they will eat them too . If they grow it its nice . If i biy it and cook it its yuk . Kids are strange things .

While i was there i saw this plant for half price . I think it said Stephanoitus , i will have to look it up . My husband chose this recycled glass pot to put it in and no . the pot wasnt cheap but we did our bit for the environment by choosing it above the cheaper plastic ones and it is nice i must admit :-)

Birds.

2010-01-10T10:52:00.000-08:00

We took a drive out today to get more bird food and while we were out we took a trip to a local farm We took some photos but missed the best . Among the ones that got away were two Barn Owls , a Kestrel , three Herons and a Marsh Harrier . What i did get were Partridge

Also a lapwing and several others .

I wanted to take a trip to the local garden centre but our Island was cut off from the mainland , both bridges closed do that was that . I was feeling pretty depressed this morning and could have done with some plant soothing i wanted to go stroke some herbs for the scent of it but i'l have to wait . I settled with cleaning up my overwintering Geraniums , taking of the dead leaves and flowers and sweeping under them . I gave them a little feed since the light levels have been so low lately , probably why i have been feeling not so bouncy . One of them is in flower , bright red , that makes me feel better . I also found some Basil seeds in one of my magazines and i can sow indoors now , i can get my gardening fix . On a sad note my geranium cuttings did not take and i used rooting compound too . ah well , the big ones are fine .

Seed catalogues

2010-01-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

I bought a gardening magazine and inside were some free packets of seeds and danger of dangers , two seed catalogues . one of them had several types of plants free if you ordered from it and it just so happens i love those . Flowers in my garden and on my balcony are at the moment in short supply since with my heart problem i cant do much or i fall down . SO , i really shouldnt be looking . I found a fruit tree . A small one i dont have to climb for . well that makes sense right ? flowers in spring , fruit in late summer , colourful leaves in autumn , no problem , no work . well . while im at it i could probably grow some garlic , we eat that a lot . and tomatoes of course . I found a trailing variety i could grow trailing down the balcony in between the geraniums . hmm . Then i saw some apricot begonias at a great price , they would look gorgeous in between the geraniums . We could grow potatoes this year , and maybe peas ... and before i knew it i was sitting with husband and a cup of coffee putting ticks on things . So i called my mum and said , "do you want to go halves... " seems like im having abusy year this year . Trouble is ... my garden is currently under snow so it will be a while . driving today looked like this..

I liked this..

And i painted this , the view of one of my trees from the window , i need to put some birds in , its acrylic on small deep box edge canvas .

Sticky snow :-)

special moment

2010-01-08T12:31:00.000-08:00

I was having an evening unwind glass of alcohol and i suddenly wanted to go out onto the balcony , ive been ill for so long and my sense of fun came back suddenly . I stepped out in my bathrobe and stood in the semi dark as the fat flakes drifted down onto the snow coated boards . Some fell into my drink and i thought thats a novel way to get ice in it and suddenly everything was wonderful . My garden is so beautiful like this and even though i really want to sit out there with plants and flowers in spring im going to love every second of this . I LOVE SNOW ! I came in when i stepped in snow too deep for my garden shoes and i got cold ankles but moments like that are what life is for , just watching the snow come down soothes me and exhilerates me all at the same time and the light is subtly different every time it snows . I have a painting on the easel part done that i hope to work more on tomorrow , if i finish it i will share :-)

Painting day

2010-01-08T05:00:00.000-08:00

Its STILL snowing . Britain is in shock :-) At first we had the air from the North Polar region and now we have a Continental flow from Russia . I personally love it . I have set up my easel right next to my balcony , I have floor to ceiling windows , and im watching the trees and birds . We have a new pair of Chaffinches out there , the red is not as bright as the Robins and they glow with light from the snow . We have a Wren and Magpies and seagulls muscling in now , the feeders are constantly full . The starlings , Blackbirds and Bluetits are constantly squabbling . Im thinking of setting up another feeder . The Robin and Blackbirds are coming right up to the balcony now . My Balcony isnt the sane as most peoples that balcony garden , since i have a garden too and the balcony is ground floor . it just so happens the ground slopes under my house so there is a four foot drop from my back patio doors , and it was either steps out or something much more creative . We could not afford people to do it for us so we built it ourselves . The sturdiest Balcony EVER ! Its changed my life so much . I have coffee out there in the snow , the kids can play a few minutes after rain , i can just step out and beathe . Balconies should be compulsory . :-)
The plan for today is to create a painting of a Starling in one of the trees at the bottom of my garden in the snow . Those trees change colour all day according to the light and its amazing to see . yesterday when the sun hit the snow on them they went pink .

MORE snow

2010-01-07T12:17:00.000-08:00

This is the south east coast of England and we have more snow and more snow to come . we never ever get much and now everywhere is covered . Nighttime temps in some places have been minus 20 degrees C thats as cold as Moscow. We have sun , then blizzard then sun .. and i was planning my spring garden .

My coffe spot . Usually .

The seed feeder is being filled up daily they just cant get enough .

Blue eyes :-)

The kids Swiss Hut , Being suitably Swiss .

STILL snowing

2010-01-06T03:18:00.000-08:00

Today is a bad heart day , I have Vasovagal syndrome which means some days im exhausted . like today . I can barely see or stand so im sitting wrapped up in my armchair with a waterbottle and a blanket like an old granny watching the snow fall . Im melancholy and kind of loving it . i can feel the depression lurking because i have inaction but on the other hand im soaking up the weather into my mind to paint later so i am working , sort of . Im watching the birds , the Robin that thinks it rules the world is fighting with the Blackbirds , they are fighting with each other , the Pidgeons are trying to have sex on the fence , well , HE is , and the Starlings and sparrows are taking advantage of all this and nicking the food :-)
The snow is constant but tiny flakes and they are actually melting the thin covering of snow from yesterday . If it picks up it will start to lay again it must have warmed up a bot from last night . If i start to see big fluffy flakes or the wind picks up then we might be in for some serious stuff . Where i am has escaped most of the snow , we have less than a centimetre on the ground , roads are easily passable .

snow

2010-01-04T10:19:00.000-08:00

It snowed on my unfinished decking this morning , this is before i walked on it .

Snow on my left over pine branches from christmas . And on my candles , in fact , IN my candles .
The birds were starving , i had to fill up the seeds and fat balls AGAIN and put put warm water for them . We have more snow and freezing temperatures on the way . This is the first real winter i remember in years .
Today I went to the farm shop . Ive been looking at other peoples food blogs and balcony gardens and i was imspired so i bought fresh fruit and veg and got cooking . I did spaghetti bolognese with a fresh salad and balsamic vinegar dressing , then I did a spiced fruit crumble since it was so cold outside . Not the usual dinner and desert combination but i wanted to cook . It all tasted great except for the plums . The crumble was great but im never buying out of season plums and cooking them like that again , they needed much more sugar than i was willing to put in and plums dont usually , ive cooked with them often but i should have tasted one first . trouble as the door repair man came at the same time as my mother in law phoned and husband was out getting kids from school and i just didnt have time . so in it went , i will remember that recipe though . for another try later .

I cant wait to start growing things on the balcony again , fruit and vegetables . last year i had Mint , Basil , Tomatoes , Grapes (we got two ) an aubergine that didnt fruit and a whole pot of strawberries that the kids ate faster than locusts can . Also some lettuce that got strabge eggs laid all over it , ill try that indoors i think .

Fluff on the balcony

2010-01-03T02:29:00.000-08:00

MUM ! says my boy , there is fluff on the balcony . I shot up out of bed , went slowly down the stairs as a good example , and then went quickly to the window . Yes , there was indeed fluff on the balcony . White , cold snow fluff :-)) and snow clouds looming . I adore snow . I live on the south coast of England so we dont see much snow , hardly any in fact and usually we watch the wether report of the rest of England under a foot of it and we have blue skies but today we have a sprinkling , and i love it . I sat in my chair by the window and ate my breakfast watching the birds on the feeders ,then i felt sorry for the blackbirds since they cant reach them so i threw them out some bread . Today the depression is in abeyance which is a relief the past week has been hard . Very hard but today im feeling free .
I also spruced up one of my Geraniums im attempting to overwnter , it looks a bit sorry for itself i think i need some liquid fertilizer for it it hasnt had enough sun . The other plant im a bit worried about is my Orchid . I dont know anything about Orchids . It was white when i bought it and it flowered for weeks but its in an orchid pot , if i water it drips straight through to the pot and then sloshes about in the bottom , so the plant looks floppy but its sitting over water . Huh ? I know thats its natural state , its a rainforest parasite but it ought to get itself organised . i\ need some feed for that too but i cant afford a trip to the garden centre yet , i DARNT go it will have sales on and i always spend too much in the sales . ;-) This is my morning coffee time where i take time for me . having three small kids means i dont get much but its just me and my boy today . Since he fell down the stairs i want to have him near . I want more snow ! but then i dont , because my dad has liver cancer and needs an operation sometime in january , we need to get him to hospital in London for that so i want lots of snow but i want the roads clear for when he goes please . And then i think of all the other people that need to get there ... and thats why i have depression , i worry so much , i must try to be a little selfish but its alien to me . i learn i learn... today , this morning , right now is beautiful . thats enough ,.

new year

2010-01-02T10:23:00.000-08:00

Right . im going to blog . im going to rememebr to blog to give something back to all the people who gave me so much on their blogs , to all the people that took the time and shared , I just need to get organised :-)
England , and its cold . Amazing . i Adore snow and we have snow ! not much where i am but forecast for tonight . yeah . So Today i tidied the balcony so if it snows it looks nice and i wont stand on anything valuable and break it . topped up the bird food , seed and fatballs and water pot and bought a
polyanthus which is living indoors untill i get time to plant it out . Its bright yellow and beautiful . Last year i planted Tulips , lots of them and i have a pot on the balcony table right now , no signs of life yet but its only just the second of January . I am going to buy more Daffodils next year but this year i plan to get some ioViolas and enjoy being drenched in the scent of them while i watch birds and drink my morning coffee . I need some relaxing , first day of the year and my son fell down the stars and bent over his neck , i thought id lost him . He was boarded at hospital and had a neck collar and we were rushed to the emergency room by ambulance . Turns out hes fine thank goodness ! back home back to normal . Im so glad , scared and glad . must remember to breathe again . He is having intensive stair descending lessons .
Sadly i cant add any photos that are new because my camera will not upload to my laptop . I apparantly am lethal to electrical devices , my printer makes my kids scream with laughter everytime i beg it and it wheezes and clicks , thinks , and says , no . my laptop broke and i lost thousands of reference photos and now my camera kit plays up... aaagh . BUT , im stil smiling and thats good , no thats great . life has been a trial for ten years and now its my time . ive filled the house with spring flowers , i have a field of Iris and pink Tulips on my table made by dividing up two small bunches into lots of tall vases , and i scattered crystals and light scented candles and alls well in my world :-)) i even bought a fish tank a year ago , tropical one . those fish are all individuals and cause me no end of trouble , especially recently the Siamese fighter , but thats another story .

2009-12-03T07:54:00.000-08:00

This is how i love the Alps , broody and moody .

About me

2009-12-03T07:31:00.000-08:00

Hi all , this is a blog from an English mother with three kids a craving for Switzerland oh and im an artist :-)) oil , watercolour ,acrylic, pencil , pastel , anything ! even walls . I take photographs , i write . Im recovering (i hope) from severe depression and so im going to share how thats working . Im starting to love life again . This year i said hello to the Autumn , i enjoyed it for the first time in years , wooho ! we went chestnutting in the forests , and eat them at night on my new balcony , which ill finish building next year , we carved and lit a pumpkin ,. we toasted mashmallows out there .The only thing i dont have is mountains , BAH !! lol , but i can go to them maybe in two years so untill then i shall paint them instead . I also garden on my balcony . I love it , pure happiness to sit there with a coffee and just enjoy ., the best therapy . oh , no , thats chocolate :-)))

This bit is finished now , thats the door to my studio . Welcome :-)